1:03

1 minute and 3 seconds.. Ganyan ka iksi.. Hindi ko napigilang hindi ka tawagan.. It sounds like ok ka naman.. Mukhang masaya ka sa buhay mo... Naaalala mo kaya na bukas eh 3 taon na simula nung una tayong naghalikan?... Malamang hindi.. Bat pa nga ba ko umaasa?...

CHANEL PERFUME

i received the chanel perfume that trisha sent me.. and i got surpprised coz besides that expensive perfume there are lots of other perfumes inside the package.. there are also some chocolates and chips.. and most especially a greeting card.. im so touched and happy at that moment.. it relieved the stress that my work brought me.. gawd knows how stressful my work is.. yeah, we just make it sound and look as if its the best easiest job in the world.. on my way home i remembered LL.. di pa rin sya nagpaparamdam.. no msg on fb (sira dae laptop sabi ni hart) walang text o tawag (sira daw mobile fone o baka walang load).. bakit ganun? puro nlang dahilan?.. its really breaking my damn heart... ive been crying for months now dahil sa ganitong sitwasyon... masama ba tong mga winiwish ko na gawin nya?.. is it even that hard to do?... bukas.. 3rd year anniversary namen.. sigurado hindi nya ko mababati ng 12 midnight like im wishing he would do... but u know whats worst? is that hindi nya talaga ko batiin buong araw... ="( this is causing me too much pain...

what to do? What to say? What to think?

couple of nights ago.. LL and I had a short but i think meaningful chat unlike our previous chats which are superficial (as what he quotes it).. I was really sleepy i only noticed he was still chatting with me when a buzz woke me up.. I tried to read couple of lines.. Only a couple of it got my attention.. "bakit kelangan pa ko magalit o gumanti, sasaya ba daw ako pag ganun" " na ung dati past na daw nya un, iba na daw sya ngaun" di ko na pinatulan masyado.. Inaantok na ko eh.. Wala lang napaisip ako.. Ung sinasabi nyang past nya.. Eh gago pala sya.. Nung nagpapasawsaw sya sa mga arabo, pinahirapan nya ko.. Bigla syang di nagparamdam, samantalang wala naman akong ginagawang masama sa kanya.. Sana umamin nlang sa nun.. Johnny bottomesa na ku.. Sisters na tayo.. Hahaha.. Baka natuwa pa ko para sa kanya.. Ehwan ko ba.. Change topic, ok naman ang Bulong.. I watched with eddy n neil.. Ok naman ung company nila.. Si eddy pa din ang pinaka mataas ang score sa pag kanta.. Si neil wala sa mood, ayaw jumoin... Hai feb 3 na.. Malapit na feb 5.. Pupusta ko. Hindi maaalala ni mokong kung anu meron sa feb 5... Naka usap ko na si hart.. I asked her if makakabili ba sya ng itouch para k LL, gusto ko kase ipatago sa aparador ni LL para sa feb 5 tatawag ako tas aask ko sya buksan ung aparador nya and dyaran!!! I have a gift for u.. I love very much kahit ginagago mo ko at tine take forgranted... Bwiset!!! Pero ayun, sabi ni hart di daw bet ni panget ang itouch.. Iphone lang daw gusto nito.. Eh anu magagawa ko.. Siguro mga feb 20 ko pa makukuha ung iphone4 sa opis.. Saka wait lang deserving ba sya??? At sya ba iniisip na regaluhan ako.. Ayan johnny!!!nagpapakatanga ka nanaman!!! Tseh!!!

i'm missing u sooOooo much...

but i can't do the first move again.. Now im thinking, why dont u even bother asking how am i doing?... Yeah, i gues u never really loved me.. U never really cared... ="(

i'm at my lowest...

a sudden burst of sadness came into me.. I don't know what to do.. I just want to cry.. Ang sakit sakit at ang sama sama ng loob ko.. Bakit ganito?.. Anu ba nagawa kong mali?.. Wala akong hinangad kundi maging maligaya kasama ka... Mahal mo ba talaga ko?... Pupunta ko sa baguio, sa puerto galera.. Kung san walang nakakakilala sken.. Pero hindi dapat, wala akong tiwala sa sarili ko ngayon.. Masyado kong malungkot.. Baka may magawa akong ikatatapos ng buhay ko.. San ako pupunta?.. Kelangan kong umalis... Gusto kong umiyak... Ung malakas... Ung mauubos lahat ng sama ng loob na nararamdaman ko... ="(

a lot had happened....

after sooOooo long, i'm here again.. I guess I need someone or something to vent out to.. I welcomed 2011 alone.. Yes! Alone.. 15 mins before midnight, I took a cab and went to eastwood to see the fireworks display.. There were groups of families, friends, and lovers.. Watching them made me feel really terrible.. My only company then was a pack of cigs.. Yeah! Winston lights was the best thing that ever happened to me last 2010.. It stayed with me thru thick and thin (literally, from 32" - 42" waistline).. Yes, LL called 12 mins before midnight.. I dunno if its just me being childish, unreasonable, or stubborn.. But isn't sweet if LL would call a few mins before midight so we would be talking to each other as the clock strikes at 12?? I dunno.. Yeah maybe its just me.. Don't get me wrong, i tried calling LL at exactly 12 midnight while the fireworks light the eastwood sky.. But unfortunately, LL's phone can't be reached.. Am I to blame?..

FAREWELL 2010.. 2011, please be kind to me...